Let's talk about me

(Note: this entry is about my computer problems, not education. I think the two issues are of equal importance, and you should too.)

So my computer is from freshman year in college. That makes it about six years old. When I got into graduate school, I thought about buying a new one. But I thought, no, I'm going to stick with my old friend. Then my roommate and I decided to get cable internet. When the cable guy came (it was Jim Carrey), he couldn't get the cable box to work on my computer. He asked me what version of Windows I had. I said Windows 98. He looked at me as if I had told him that my computer was operated by a crank. Apparently Windows 98 is too old to hook up to cable internet. Apparently it is also too old to interface with a flash drive. So I'm going to have to use some bootleg maneuver to get my old files off it. These files include several very bad short stories and an English paper I wrote about the significance of sky and cloud imagery in Martin Amis's book Money. I got an A on that one.

So long story short, I had to buy a new computer. So I went on the Dell website and did my business. I got the order all done and through, and the thing was shipped out a couple days later. That's when the problems started. You would think that when you spend over $1000 of your hard-earned money,* they would....I'm trying to think of that phrase that means "make things easier for you" and involves butter or grease. I want to say "butter your path," but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Anyway, you'd think they would make sure you get the thing.

*So it was your parents' hard-earned money, which you hope they will continue to be generous with until you get a real job. Which will be never.

Instead, UPS lost the computer. Like, in New Jersey. They were very vague whenever I called about it, insisting that it would be delivered that day. I had to get Dell on their asses. I'm guessing Dell sent them an email with the subject line: "Re: you owe us one thousand dollas, batches." Then UPS started jumpin'. I got this call from a UPS woman that was possibly the most fawning conversation I had ever been a party to. She was SO apologetic and complimentary of my patience. I wanted to say, "whoa, lady, you lost my computer, not my child." I don't know what the real point of the call even was. I mean, if she was trying to get me not to badmouth UPS to my friends, she missed that train like five years ago.

So Dell put another computer in production for me and will send it out again. Although I think this solution might be slightly flawed, as they will be sending it out via UPS.

Personally, I don't know why more people don't use the post office. Those people deliver through everything, like snow and stuff. Although I don't know about New Jersey. That's not part of the slogan.